9 Must-Know Malay Wedding Traditions in Singapore.

Traditions in a Malay wedding can be confusing, which is why in this article, I’ve made a list of the few must-know traditions and religious customs for a Malay wedding in Singapore.

1.     Adat Bertunang (Engagement)

When it comes to adat bertunang, most families will follow a tradition called merisik where the groom’s family visit the bride’s family with some gifts and an engagement ring. This small engagement ceremony is usually used to discuss:

•       The young couple’s compatibility
•       The akad nikah (solemnisation)
•       The duit hantaran (money given on top of dowry).

In today’s time and date, however, where most couples have already been through years of dating to be acquainted, the merisik ceremony is just an event to talk about the hantaran (customary gifts) and the duration of engagement between the couple before their marriage.

2.     Hantaran (Customary Gift) vs Mas Kahwin (Dowry)

I know that hantaran and Mas kahwin sounds and looks almost similar. It’s confusing, I know. But trust me when I say they have their differences.

Hantaran, a custom adopted from the Malay culture and not the Muslim religion, is a non-compulsory customary gift given by the groom to the bride’s family.

Mas kahwin, on the other hand, is a compulsory gift given from the groom to the bride to symbolise the beginning of the husband’s duty in fulfilling his bride’s everyday needs.

3.     Malam Berinai (Henna Night)

Think of Malam Berinai as a bachelorette party, but instead of a party, it’s really just a night where the bride and her bridesmaids spend time together and have their hands and feet decorated with henna, along with some singing, dancing, and food!

4.     Akad Nikah (Solemnisation Ceremony)

Akad Nikah is an event that typically takes place two days before the wedding reception, in which the kadi (solemnizer) will:

•       Speak to the groom about his responsibilities
•       Ensure that the bride is consensual to the marriage
•       Pace the groom of his marital vows
•       Ask witnesses from both sides of the family and those who present if his vows are accepted
•       Sign the marriage contract, and seal the deal with mas kahwin

5.     Bersanding (Wedding Reception)

Bersanding, also known as the wedding reception, is a feast to announce the newlywed couple’s marriage to their families and friends! Usually, the bride and groom would have their own separate functions, but most couples would have a joint celebration in modern society. A joint celebration can really save a lot of money when you’re adding up all the costs for food, cultural performance, and the function rooms.

6.     Kompang Entrance

The groom is usually escorted by a crew of musicians who play the kompang to meet his wife on the actual wedding day. Accompanied by his friends and families with the bunga manggar, the groom and bride will finally be united and honoured with silat performances.

7.     Hadang (The ‘gatecrash’)

Handang or the gatecrash is like ‘obstacles’ that the groom must go through before joining his bride on the pelamin. Guarded by the families and friends of the bride, the expected ‘obstacles’ that the groom has to go through include:

•       Reciting pantuns (poems)
•       Forking out cash
•       Dancing
•       Singing

8.     Tepung Tawar ritual

Tepung Tawar is a traditional ritual in which rice flour, white and yellow rice, and rose water are sprinkled on the couple’s hand to protect them from evil. However, this ritual practice is rarely practised among modern Malay families.

9.     Wedding Gifts

Like every other wedding celebration, Malay weddings have their gift-giving event to celebrate the newlywed couple’s love.

And I know, determining the value of your wedding gifts are just like wearing a dress to an event. You don’t want to be underdressed (giving less) or overdressed (giving more). So, here’s a general rule of thumb:

•       Void deck weddings – $10 – $30
•       Country or community club weddings – $30 – $50
•       Hotels – $50 and more

Final thoughts

If you’re planning to have a grand and festive Malay wedding celebration, it’s good to keep these traditional wedding customs in mind. Although some of the cultures have been modernised, there’s no reason for you not to relive the cultural and religious traditions.